And I guess tonight I'm feeling pretty much the same way. I thought then that eventually it would get easier, even though I knew it wouldn't. But it did and it didn't.
It was always this weekend in college and even grad school when I'd go home. Ken just called and I got to talk to him for a long time. He's doing really well and we exchanged some baking recipes. I'm visiting Betsy in DC in October and going home for Thanksgiving. Last night I dreamt that my mom and I were in a park, maybe a rest stop, and she told me that I had to take her plane and fly it to DC. I don't remember flying the plane there, but I remember trying to land and thinking that I didn't know the first thing about landing a plane. I also knew that I wasn't allowed to fly in DC's airspace and I didn't want to scare everyone. I also had no idea where Reagan airport was, except that it's along the Potomac. So I landed the plane on the shoulder of the highway and asked the police to help me to the airport. Then I needed to get to the hotel to meet my mom and I knew it was at the Marriott, but DC has an awful lot of Marriotts and I didn't know which it was. See? Feeling lost and found big time. I kind of can't wait for Christmas.
It's not that things are bad. That's not it at all. I suppose it's more the anticipation of what's on the other side of the hill and concern for the same sorts of heartaches and disappointments, but also terrific experiences cropping up. In general I'm more about the Erfahrung than the Erlebnis.
Here's evidence of how good things really are. We had a birthday party for Sam last night and despite my recent baking funk, my desserts turned out quite well. What's more important, though, is that Sam and everyone gathered together, shared a ton of food, and had a good time. (Well, minus the poor little match girl, jk jk). And the fastest way to make myself at home is to try to make other people feel at home, too.
Chocolate Salted Caramel Cupcakes
Tough, but good.
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