26 September 2010
1-2-3-4
A little better. The weekend was intense and rough, but immensely helpful. The weather has finally cooled off, too.
19 September 2010
Feeling Lost and Found
When I first got to Freiburg, three years ago to the day, I watched this music video over and over again for at least the first month:
And I guess tonight I'm feeling pretty much the same way. I thought then that eventually it would get easier, even though I knew it wouldn't. But it did and it didn't.
It was always this weekend in college and even grad school when I'd go home. Ken just called and I got to talk to him for a long time. He's doing really well and we exchanged some baking recipes. I'm visiting Betsy in DC in October and going home for Thanksgiving. Last night I dreamt that my mom and I were in a park, maybe a rest stop, and she told me that I had to take her plane and fly it to DC. I don't remember flying the plane there, but I remember trying to land and thinking that I didn't know the first thing about landing a plane. I also knew that I wasn't allowed to fly in DC's airspace and I didn't want to scare everyone. I also had no idea where Reagan airport was, except that it's along the Potomac. So I landed the plane on the shoulder of the highway and asked the police to help me to the airport. Then I needed to get to the hotel to meet my mom and I knew it was at the Marriott, but DC has an awful lot of Marriotts and I didn't know which it was. See? Feeling lost and found big time. I kind of can't wait for Christmas.
It's not that things are bad. That's not it at all. I suppose it's more the anticipation of what's on the other side of the hill and concern for the same sorts of heartaches and disappointments, but also terrific experiences cropping up. In general I'm more about the Erfahrung than the Erlebnis.
Here's evidence of how good things really are. We had a birthday party for Sam last night and despite my recent baking funk, my desserts turned out quite well. What's more important, though, is that Sam and everyone gathered together, shared a ton of food, and had a good time. (Well, minus the poor little match girl, jk jk). And the fastest way to make myself at home is to try to make other people feel at home, too.
Chocolate Salted Caramel Cupcakes
And I guess tonight I'm feeling pretty much the same way. I thought then that eventually it would get easier, even though I knew it wouldn't. But it did and it didn't.
It was always this weekend in college and even grad school when I'd go home. Ken just called and I got to talk to him for a long time. He's doing really well and we exchanged some baking recipes. I'm visiting Betsy in DC in October and going home for Thanksgiving. Last night I dreamt that my mom and I were in a park, maybe a rest stop, and she told me that I had to take her plane and fly it to DC. I don't remember flying the plane there, but I remember trying to land and thinking that I didn't know the first thing about landing a plane. I also knew that I wasn't allowed to fly in DC's airspace and I didn't want to scare everyone. I also had no idea where Reagan airport was, except that it's along the Potomac. So I landed the plane on the shoulder of the highway and asked the police to help me to the airport. Then I needed to get to the hotel to meet my mom and I knew it was at the Marriott, but DC has an awful lot of Marriotts and I didn't know which it was. See? Feeling lost and found big time. I kind of can't wait for Christmas.
It's not that things are bad. That's not it at all. I suppose it's more the anticipation of what's on the other side of the hill and concern for the same sorts of heartaches and disappointments, but also terrific experiences cropping up. In general I'm more about the Erfahrung than the Erlebnis.
Here's evidence of how good things really are. We had a birthday party for Sam last night and despite my recent baking funk, my desserts turned out quite well. What's more important, though, is that Sam and everyone gathered together, shared a ton of food, and had a good time. (Well, minus the poor little match girl, jk jk). And the fastest way to make myself at home is to try to make other people feel at home, too.
Chocolate Salted Caramel Cupcakes
Tough, but good.
10 September 2010
Wrapped Up in Books
Yipes, it's hard to believe that I'm finishing up the third week of the semester. So far, so good. The teaching has been going well, I think/hope, and I'm feeling more confident each class. I'm no pro, but I have a really good group of kids who make me laugh and I enjoy the material. I just discovered that next semester I'll be teaching logic, which is a semi-radial departure from what I'm teaching now, but I think it will be a good challenge. Is it crazy that the first thing I thought was that my 10am assigned teaching time was too late in the day? Probably!
Maybe a quick re-cap of the end of summer and beginning of school is in order? It was hectic for sure. Let's see. We had a pizza party with some friends and I got to try out my new baking stone. I was impressed! I also had a major fail with photographing the lemon tart. I was trying to carry it into the dining room where the light is better, but the tart pan started to slide off the cooling rack and in trying to prevent the whole thing from crashing to the floor, I managed to shove my brand new camera into the middle of the tart. But! I saved them both.
Everyone loves pizza.
Maybe a quick re-cap of the end of summer and beginning of school is in order? It was hectic for sure. Let's see. We had a pizza party with some friends and I got to try out my new baking stone. I was impressed! I also had a major fail with photographing the lemon tart. I was trying to carry it into the dining room where the light is better, but the tart pan started to slide off the cooling rack and in trying to prevent the whole thing from crashing to the floor, I managed to shove my brand new camera into the middle of the tart. But! I saved them both.
Everyone loves pizza.
I had some misadventures with sourdough. The taste was quite good, but the execution was, well, bizarre.
I went to Omaha for a wedding.
I spent some time with Andrew and started teaching.
I went to St. Paul to see Ken off as he joins the Jesuit noviate. It was great fun to see him and my parents and to see where he's going to be for the next two years. I'm super proud of him.
Things I'm working on now? I'm applying to be in Freiburg again next year for research for my dissertation. The thought is exciting and makes me want to throw up. I feel way too young to be writing a dissertation. And part of me is super tired of leaving and starting over. But I love Freiburg and I'll be coming back to Atlanta and I don't even know yet if I'll be there, so there's no real point in getting worked up about it now. In the meantime I'm reading lots of stuff on play and space and my ideas are coming together, I think. I had some more baking misadventures this past weekend, so I want to work on becoming a better baker. Betsy and I have decided that the only possible future for us is to open a bakery, specifically a cupcake shop. It is quite possible that cupcakes will be passe by the time we get to it, but we will make good stuff no matter what. I still haven't touched the quilt top I made this summer, so it'd be a big improvement if I got around to that. I'm also trying (maybe not as intentionally as I should be) to be more charitable and less territorial. This has come up a lot the past few days and I'm quick to blame it on my being a middle child. And while I can't fix my birth order, I sure can fix my attitude. Or at least I can learn to hide my expressions better. I'm trying to push myself more in general, from wearing jewelry to participating in class. I think teaching has been pretty great for that. So, ta-da, it's a new year!
I saw the first red leaves of the season. Fall can't come soon enough.
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