Orange-Almond Tart and Home

This week's dish for French Friday's with Dorie was just perfect. Not just because it was superbly delicious, and it was, but because I made it on a visit home. As much as I like being on my own and I haven't been in the same city as my family for eight years now, I am really a homebody. It's harder now since I can't go home as often and that my family no longer lives in St. Louis. I still hate saying I'm going home when I mean back to Atlanta because it really isn't my home. It's not terrible, but it's not the same.

I got to Lawrence/Kansas City just after they'd had a big snow storm. It was unbelievably beautiful. Because the temperatures had been so frigid, the snow was incredibly soft and powdery. I don't think I've ever experienced snow that soft. It was like sand! Betsy and I walked to the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art and probably spent as much time outside in the snow as inside in the galleries. Just perfect.

They, whoever they are, that you can't go home again. But I've discovered time and time again that it's not the case. Yes, it's not the same, but it is. It's sitting around the kitchen table, baking, and running errands. It's practicing piano and stirring up fights. 

My mom is the most hospitable person I know. Her style isn’t like Michael’s mom’s with the guest bedroom always prepared with the nightstand stocked like a hotel minibar and it isn’t like the 50s housewife perpetually armed with a batch of sweets. Instead, it’s her ability to make people feel like she really wants to spend time with them and visit with them. It’s the way she drops her work to watch Arthur with me or hides brownies under people’s ice cream or had my great-great aunt and great-grandma help her in the kitchen or organizes games of badminton in the yard.

One of the greatest things she and my dad instilled in us growing up is that we must always try to create the conditions for people to be good. The variation of that is, I think, that we must always try to create the conditions for people to feel welcome and at home. When I first started having my NYE parties, I stressed big time over the decorations and food and dresses and wound up exhausted and didn’t enjoy myself. Things gradually scaled back over the years and I think much for the better. A great to-do is fun, but I’d much rather be able to enjoy myself and my friends and just all sit around the kitchen table over coffee and wine. Even though I don't feel totally myself in Atlanta, I find the closest I get is in cooking with and for other people. Having dinner parties or delivering pies. 

I sent my dad to the store to pick up the oranges for this. I was so surprised when I sliced them open and discovered they were blood oranges. He had picked them out especially because he knew I'd appreciate them. My mom helped with each step of the process and made her own little berry tartlet to go along with this while Mary and Betsy were at the table making cards. We missed Ken an awful, awful lot. The tart, though, was just delicious. 

Maybe it's childish to refuse to accept my new locations as home. I've been here for almost three years now, but I think I felt more at home in Germany than Atlanta. There's nothing I can quite put my finger on, which I think is the hardest part. I think if I could really identify it, I would be able to deal with it. In general, though, I do like Decatur a great deal and the local coffeeshop has become my home away from home. I don't want to move back home, either. At least not yet. What I most want then is not just to reside somewhere, but to live, flourish, and grow somewhere and create the conditions for other people to do the same and spend time with people, to be home and be at home. 

I miss the Super Sassy Lady Squad especially around Valentine's Day. In "Building Dwelling Thinking" Heidegger writes, "The real dwelling plight lies i this, that mortals ever search anew for the nature of dwelling, that they must ever learn to dwell. What if man's homelessness consisted in this, that man still does not even thinking of the real plight of dwelling as the plight? Yet as soon as man gives thought to his homelessness, it is a misery no longer. Rightly considered and kept well in mind, it is the sole summons that calls mortals into their dwelling. But how else can mortals answer this summons than by trying on their part, on their own, to bring dwelling to the fullness of nature? They accomplish when they build out of dwelling, and think for he sake of dwelling." Dwelling is fundamentally preserving and staying with and I think of hospitality and generosity as precisely that. So, perhaps, even in the unheimlich I'm ever learning to dwell, trying on my part. 

My mom just called me and at first the only thing I could hear was polka music. She had found a polka cd and called me because she wanted to dance with me and demanded that I get up and polka with her on the phone. So I did.

Basque Tortilla

Yikes, a tad bit late with this one. I was even super early with making it, too! I made it last Monday since I knew that I would have a packed week schoolwise and then I'd be leaving Thursday to go home for the weekend. So, I managed to make it and post the pictures to Flickr in time, but am just now writing the blog post on Sunday afternoon as I'm already working ahead on this week's recipe.
Aaaanyway. This Basque tortilla was a fine recipe. Don't let the name confuse you, though. It's an egg dish, akin to a frittata or quiche, that has potatoes and things in it. It's pretty easy. I chose to do the basic recipe since I already had potatoes and onions on hand. I did choose to add some pancetta, though, which added some savoriness to some otherwise muted flavors. Cook some potatoes and onions in a pan, add some eggs and pancetta, finish under the broiler. Easy peasy.

Except. Except if you've turned your broiler on and forgotten that your roommate had made bread over the weekend (for our dinner party, which was delicious, and awesome, as expected), so there was cornmeal remaining in the baking stone which began smoking fiercely as the oven heated up. I had just made brownies, but I guess the oven hadn't gotten that hot, so I didn't know. Anyway, as I'm trying keep the eggs from overcooking, all the smoke detectors in the house are going off, my eyes are burning, my concetration is completely broken. Luckily it's a pretty easy recipe, so it didn't actually require that much concentration.

There you can see the aftermath. We managed to remove the very hot baking stone, clean it off, and kick the broiler back on. The top browned nicely, but I think it ended up a little overcooked. Andrew didn't seem to mind too much.



I admit that it wasn't a terribly exciting dish, but it was still satisfying. I hardly ever pass up an opportunity to have eggs, bacon, and potatoes, and this basically had it all rolled into one. So, good, but nothing exceptional.

Being at home, though, has been exceptional. Nothing vibrates with my heartstrings more than the Midwest in winter. We were driving to Lawrence from Kansas City on Friday afternoon, after a delicious late lunch at Aixois, and the sunset was unbelievably beautiful and reflecting off the snow. I can't even explain what is that I love so much, since most of it is actually not that attractive, like train tracks cutting through the snow, or old barns on the horizon, or the monotone grey of the city in February. Mostly, though, it's the light. The Midwest resonates with me a whole lot more than the South does. It's not even that the South is terrible or that entirely different from Missouri, but it isn't me. I'm thankful that I do have wonderful friends in Atlanta. I'm very thankful to  be able to return home so often. Now, if only some day I could get a job here...

Chicken B'stilla, a.k.a. "Even my burps taste good!"

This week's challenge was Chicken B'stilla and I think it was quite a triumph. I described the dish, prior to making it, as a Moroccan version of chicken pot pie since it's basically shredded chicken inside a filo shell. But upon eating it, I discovered that that's not quite right. It's definitely its own thing and so lovely and so, well, unusual in a very friendly way.

The dish takes at least a few hours to make, but most of that is hands-off. The chicken marinates for a while with some onions, garlic, cinnamon, coriander, and ginger and then simmers for another hour or so until it's tender. The house smelled absolutely delicious. I was supposed to use saffron, but couldn't find it and I don't think the dish suffered from it. Once the chicken is finished it, you mix in some almonds, parsley, and cilantro, and then pile it into a filo shell, sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on top, and bake it for a while longer. I was a little apprehensive about the filo, but found it surprisingly easy to work with. I did manage to fling melted butter all over my cookbook, though. A sign of love?  Andrew had at least three servings and declared it one of the best things I've ever made. We agreed that the flavor was interesting and complex with the play between sweet and savory, but much more mellow than Indian food. 

For dessert I made this Whole Lemon Tart. It's crazy easy! Meyer lemons were on sale, so I bought several and was happy that I only needed to sacrifice one. Simply take a lemon, slice it, remove the seeds, and toss the slices, skin and all, into a blender with some sugar. Add some cornstarch,eggs, and butter, and voila, your're finished. Well, you have to put it into your pre-baked crust and bake it a while, but jeez, compared to the other lemon tarts I've made, this one is an absolute breeze and absolute success. The lemon comes through brilliantly and isn't nearly as rich as the tart from Pierre Herme, even though his is quite delicious. The texture is more akin to lemon bars, I think, but it was a lovely complement to the chicken. The crust I made was not stellar, but I blame that on me. It was my first attempt at a shortbread crust and I found the dough just too sticky to get in the pan right. Oh well. 

What else? School is going fairly well and I'm enjoying teaching logic more than I'd anticipated. Huzzah! I bought this necklace on Etsy because I wanted something gold and different and playful and I love it. Andrew and I had a fun date last night. Paella for two? Yes, please! We're having a dinner party tomorrow, which is going to be absolutely terrific. Then I'm going home next weekend! Things are on the up and up.

Michel Rostang's Double Chocolate Mousse Cake

Well, here's my first entry for the French Friday's with Dorie.The recipe itself is quite easy and quite delicious. It's no different than a basic chocolate mousse, save for two quick trips in the oven thus producing a lovely two-layer mousse cake. I made the first layer on Wednesday before class and the second yesterday before class. I chose to serve the cake baked and chilled since it best accommodated my schedule and Dorie's recommendation.

Then, home from campus yesterday, a quick picture, and off to Andrew's with it. The flavor was quite good and the texture was nice as well. I wish I had pictures to do it justice. Although it was quick enough to squeeze in before class and other events, there wasn't quite enough time or daylight for the photos. Oh well. Better luck next time. I think the adventure is off to a good start and I like the challenge of trying to accomplish something special during the week, especially before I have to go to school. There is, of course, the danger of letting this take too much time wanting to stay in the kitchen a little too long. So, onwards and upwards, as they say.

The Ludic Turn

Well, the new year is off to a pretty good start, I think. I rang it in in traditional fashion with my oldest and closest friends and got to spend a lot of one-on-one time with my parents. The past week has been bizarre. I had no idea how incapable the area is of dealing with ice and snow. It was cute at first, but then it got old pretty quickly. I did enjoy the walks to Andrew's or even just down the street to get me out of the house for a while. And I do love winter. But I'm finding that I'm increasingly growing tired of Atlanta. There's still nothing I can specifically put my finger on, but it just isn't me. In Missouri and Kansas, though, I instantly knew that that was where I belonged at that very moment. Someday, maybe.

But! I am still happy to be back with the people here and I am eager to get the semester started. I think teaching logic will go well. Here's hoping, at least! I bought some paperwhite bulbs for my desk, too. They likely won't bloom until the ones outdoors do since I have poor timing, but it's still something encouraging to look at. I started reading Sutton-Smith's The Ambiguity of Play and was incredibly excited because he refers to the concept of the ludic turn that he seems happening withing art and literature in the twentieth century. In my mind I've been calling my project a characterization of the ludic turn in philosophy, which is contemporary with where Sutton-Smith identifies it in other disciplines, so I'm stoked to have resources and perhaps a more crystallized sense of direction. I have to defend a dissertation prospectus at the end of August. BARF.

The thing is, though, is that I'd like this to be a sort of ludic turn for myself, too. For being so fascinated with the subject, I am not especially good at it. But as I've discovered thus far, usually the people who are experts on a topic are not experts on it in practice. Still, though, I'd like to shift away from insissting that the spectator holds this esteemed and necessary position. I mean, it is true. But a I've used it to rationalize for too long and a spectator need only be a spectator. For one thing, I just committed to joining this blogging group: French Fridays with Dorie. Mary got me Dorie Greenspan's Around My French Table for Christmas and I've already made and photographed a  few of the recipes, so there's nothing keeping me from blogging about it, too. I read thousands of blogs everyday and never comment and never post, so it's about damn time I jump in. And now that I've said it out loud, I'm held to it. It will be fun! A start, at least. The recipe for this week is a double chocolate mousse cake. I don't think anyone will complain about that. 

It shook out their hearts, the yellow leaves

More opportunities have been presenting themselves and I'm planning to take them on. It's a good feeling. They distract me from my more pressing work, but they also remind me of why I'm in this. The weather has been just beautiful. My bread turned out right (almost) for the first time. I'll be home in just a few days and I cannot wait. It's funny how little it feels like November. I remember that poem I wrote in Mr. Begley's freshman lit class about how I was the only one I knew who liked November. It's true, although I think I could get used to this one.

New World

This past week was quite busy and hectic, which has proven to be standard for this semester, and for more than a few moments I was quite convinced that I wouldn't make it. But I did. And it turned out to be quite better than anticipated and restored a good bit of my self-confidence.

Monday was the deadline for my DAAD application and through several errors on my end, I realized I was missing key components of the application just a few days before it was due. Thankfully I learned I could have a little more faith in others and a little more faith in myself and I managed to have everything completed in the time. Whew. It felt good to be done with it and good, too, that I put together something that I think is actually viable.

However, because I had been overly ambitious and decided to present a paper for the grad students on Friday, it meant I didn't really get to relax. It wasn't a paper I was particularly excited about. Well, that's not true. It wasn't something I was particularly about presenting. But I think the reception of it was decent and there were good comments and suggestions. I at least didn't puke on anyone.

And then something really exciting happened. The abstract I submitted to a conference on the philosophy of play was accepted. I am more than stoked. Working on my DAAD application really crystallized that this is, in fact, the direction I want to go and the chance to go this conference (in England!) sealed the deal. Well, perhaps that's premature, but for now I'm stoked.

Andrew's birthday isn't until December, but I wanted to get him tickets to the symphony and couldn't pass up the opportunity to see Itzhak Perlman play and conduct, so his birthday present ended up being about a month early. We made a pretty delicious beforehand. I got some tenderloin steaks and made the port sauce for them that I'd used on the roasts for Christmas and New Year's last year. It made me awfully, awfully homesick but it was worth it. We also made some scalloped potatoes and dates stuffed with goat cheese and wrapped in prosciutto. Talk about rich! And, you know, for a light dessert I'd made peanut butter bars that were basically extra-fudgey brownies topped with peanut butter frosting and chocolate ganache. I couldn't handle more than a bite, but Andrew and Sam went to town on them. The symphony itself was quite wonderful. We had good seats and the performance was fantastic. Perlman's playing is so easy and so lovely, plus he was wearing a suit with polka dots on it while also playing and conducting at the same time. And he got a standing ovation at the intermission! I've never seen that before. The second half was Dvorak's "New World Symphony" and most likely one of the best performances I've heard of it. The only thing is that the Mozart was pretty forgettable after the Dvorak, but that's not to say it was bad. Perlman came back on stage thrice at the end. Impressive. My third date with Andrew was to the symphony, where we saw Dvorak's 8th symphony performed, so I was tickled to be coming back to see the 9th. Then we ended up at the bar where we'd had our first date. It was just all around such a pleasant evening and filled with my favorite things and so much fun to spend the evening out with Andrew. I'm pretty sure he liked it, too. And this picture really cracks me up.

I started listening to Christmas music today. I couldn't help myself. I'm homesick and it's finally cold here and I really love Christmas! I haven't been home since June, so I'm more than a little over eager. Eee! I broke down and bought sourdough starter from King Arthur since mine never quite worked, so I hope to be baking more bread now. November is typically a rough month for school, but if the semester hasn't broken my spirit yet, it doesn't stand a chance now. Here's hoping!